GRIEF AND LOSS
Helping Someone Who Is Grieving

Be a Witness and Quiet Listener

For those of you who are counselors, therapists, ministers or friends or family wanting to help someone who is grieving a major loss, the most profound gift you can give is to bear witness to their pain. This is no easy task, as it is difficult for some to be around others' intense feelings. We usually want to fix problems, yet it can be more beneficial to trust their process of healing, while offering support as it is needed. Listening to them, without judging or interrupting, and breathing through your own discomfort can bring both of you into a compassionate and healing space.

If the person you care for is grieving the loss of a pet, it is important that you do not minimize their feelings. Be careful not to say things like, "It was only an animal," or "You should get another one soon." For those healing from the loss of a pet, one of the most helpful things you can do is to acknowledge the depth of feeling they have and that their grief is a testament to the strong love they shared with their animal companion.

Offer Suggestions about Books

You can offer them practical tools, such as books on grief and loss, that they can peruse on their own and extract from them what is useful for their particular challenge and personality. However, looking for resources that will be helpful to them can be daunting.

Having worked many years with people who are dealing with grief and loss, many of whom face changes in lifestyles and physical and mental functioning, I have seen that thick, long or technical books on the subject were not appropriate. When you are in the midst of grieving, it is extremely difficult to stay focused on reading material. Many of my clients would pick up a recommended book on grief and loss and put it down a few minutes later, discouraged. The length alone of the book made them feel it was hopeless to even try. That was one of the reasons I wrote my books: to provide a hands-on guide to healing that would not be overwhelming to the reader.

The Power of Music to Heal

I also observed that words alone did not always penetrate the protective shell that we often put around us when we grieve. Music is one of the healing arts that can penetrate this facade and reach mind and heart. I decided to connect powerful healing tools with the engaging magic of vibration, sound and positive messages of healing. The concepts in the book that are intended to strengthen the reader's spirit, mind, body and heart are supported by each of the original songs. Just as using affirmations repetitively can create new pathways in the brain to strengthen self-image, these songs are also intended to 'retrain the brain.'

In the Winds of Change, each song contains messages that the reader needs to hear, messages about connecting with the inner healer, about not being alone with our challenges, about the healing power of nature, the importance of quiet time for prayer and meditation, facing our fears and moving through them, choosing our words and thoughts carefully, celebrating with gratitude what we have, trusting and surrendering to life lessons and process, being gentle with oneself and honoring the Divine Essence in each of us.

Many times, a person who is grieving and facing difficult life challenges has less self-esteem and confidence than they usually have, more fear, and feel disconnected from the very things that will help them heal. Well- intended family, friends and counselors may try to tell them what they 'should' be doing. Often, this advice is filtered out or makes the person feel guilty or defective. Music can often bypass these filters and judgments. If the person listens repeatedly to musical messages of empowerment, the process of assimilating the message is deeper than just reading an affirmation or listening to a friend's advice.

If you give or suggest this book to another, gently suggest they play often the songs that 'sing to them', the ones that 'hit home.' Their healing will be given a greater boost by doing so. Singing along with the music increases retention of the message in the brain as well as intensifies the healing aspects of vibration and sound.

A Good Resource

Christine Jette gives great advice on her website about helping to support someone who is grieving. Take a moment to look at this at: findingthemuse.com/_wsn/page15.html.com